Theophostic Prayer

Three weeks ago I restarted counseling with councilor. It had been several years since we last met, and when we ended the therapy, it was because councilor felt that my grip on my emotions was beyond his abilities with Theophostic. Anger at spouse, depression and emotional turmoil prompted me to renew counceling.

With the first session, he was very hopeful, giving me great hope, because he stated that he had managed more difficult cases like mine, with success and he felt sure that he could bring me through the anger and emotional roller-coaster I have been on, using Theophostic Prayer.

We met the other night, and at the end of the session, after a couple failed attempts to access my emotion, he concluded that I was still beyond his ability. It was already established as a lie from Satan, my belief that God does not want me cured. When I concentrate on a stirring (destructive emotion), it either sits before me as a ball of emotion, just beyond my ability to touch it or access it, or it disappears, instantly, as if it never existed, the pressure of it also gone. One thing that is consistent, is that I cannot access the emotion as needed and in the way that Theophostic prayer therapy needs me to, for it to work.

So what can I do?

I was struck by the portion of our session where councilor revealed how a stirring erupted during the previous week, how he went into prayer, and how his wife witness the process without interruption. He indicated the process took 45 minutes.

This week, as another stirring occurred, I look at what was causing the anger (in the present situation), and examined it. Why was I angry? Was the anger necessary (justified or an emotional reaction to what I could not control or did not want to deal with)? What was my part of the situation, and where did my sinfulness add to the situation? As I looked at each part, I was able to identify the sin on my part, and in my prayer, confess and ask God for forgiveness. I am also looking to see if the situation (and emotion) was because I was sinned against, and in forgave. I also examined the situation for the need to seek forgiveness.

I recognize that each event is not an event where I might have sinned. This prayerful self-examination may not require me to forgive or seek forgiveness. I hope that I might instead rely more fully on God's strength in each situation, as I realize that most things are not in my ability to fix or avoid. In this prayer, I need to seek refuge from the noise in my life, so that I can hear the voice of God.

Thank you Lord, for being there for me. Thank you Lord for giving me knowledge and guidance from your Holy Spirit in this very difficult time of my life. Thank you Lord for giving me a stubbornness, that hinders me at times, but is also a gift that keeps me from shutting down and quitting, instead it fuels my desire to continue to look to you for strength and resolution to all that life places before me. Let me glorify you constantly with my lips and with the joy that is present in my Heart when I think of how great you are and how blest I am to be granted the gift of faith and the gift of salvation through your son Christ.

Amen.